Tuesday, February 17, 2015

My Favorite Hate-Watch - TLC's "Sister Wives"

Something you might not know about me (or maybe you do, I'm not sure how transparrent I am here...) is that I really love watching terrible shows, terrible movies, and reading terrible books. As in, things I already KNOW will be awful, but waste spend my time on because I like having things to snark about. That's why I watch every un-anticipated movie sequel, read 50 Shades of Grey, and am an avid lurker on Get Off My Internets. Most importantly, that's why I watch the reality show Sister Wives on TLC. It's actually kind of embarrassing how much I know about this show, but since I don't have any real life friends that watch it, you guys are stuck with me talking about it here. Hah!

Sister Wives is about the Brown's, who are a polygamist family. It mostly revolves around the husband, Kody, and his four wives, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn. You also get to learn about their total of 17 children, but not as much. As far as the kids go, you get a better insight on the teenage children which can be interesting, but for the most part you hear from Kody and his wives. I think the show was supposed to be this, "polygamists, they're just like us!" sort of thing.

Before we go any further, I want to point out that I'm not against people being in a polygamist family if they're happy and that's what they want. I just can't get behind THIS polygamist family. Let's dissect our leading characters.

Kody - I'll start with their "leader." I don't really like calling him that, but that's what his wives call him and that's how he likes to be seen, so there you go. Kody did not grow up in a polygamist family, but after meeting Meri (who goes on to be his first wife) he converts to her religion and decided that he wanted to live the polygamist lifestyle, too. Kody's a pretty stupid dude and honestly, kind of an asshole. His wives like to talk about how before they got married he was "such a catch" and "all the women wanted him," but I don't see it, like...at all? Last season he gave his teenage daughter and her new boyfriend a sex talk by telling them they shouldn't kiss because, "when you kiss, the person that you kiss, their hormones go into your mouth and it registers certain things that will stimulate both the heart and the body for other reasons." So there's that. He also has really terrible hair.

Meri - Meri is Kody's first wife, and they got married pretty young. Meri grew up in a polygamist family, and knew from the very beginning that's what she wanted. Which is whatever, except for the fact when Kody finally got a second wife like Meri always wanted (Janelle), Meri treated her like demon spawn. Because of this Meri and Janelle still don't really get along, even though that was maybe like twenty years ago. Meri is the only wife with only one child (Mariah), which she secretly resents all the other wives for. She wanted to have lots of babies, but that just wasn't in the cards for her uterus. Meri is super entitled and thinks she deserves all the same things the other wives get, even though they all have multiple children to pay for/take care of and she only has one. Spoiler: When they bought new houses for each wife, Meri insisted she needed a large house even though she only had one child who'd soon be moving out for college. Why? Because the other wives were getting bigger houses to accommodate their children, and if Meri had it her way she'd have ALL THE BABIES to accommodate, too. So now Meri lives in a giant house all ALONE. Meanwhile Janelle, who has six kids, has the smallest house because she likes to live practically and didn't see the need to spend family money on a larger house. Meri's my least favorite wife.


Janelle - Janelle is Kody's second wife. I kind of feel like Janelle was never head-over-heels for Kody, but she also grew up in the polygamist lifestyle and knew that's what she wanted for her life. Like I mentioned above, after she married Kody, Meri treated her very poorly and even now they're not close. Like, she goes to therapy for this shit. Which is weird because Meri and Janelle were actually friends before either of them even MET Kody, and Meri practically set Janelle and Kody up in the first place. I just don't know. Janelle has six kids, and is very no-nonsense and practical. When the family wants to go on vacation, Janelle is the only one to stop and think about if they actually have the money to go on vacation. I feel bad for Janelle because she's definitely the odd one out. The rest of the family kind of think she's a stick in the mud. Kody makes it pretty obvious that he's not really attracted to her (sexually or otherwise), and whenever she tries to talk about something that's upsetting her he kinda blows her off. A lot of the time it seems like she's incredibly unhappy with their lifestyle. If any of the wives were to divorce Kody and run away, I think it'd be Janelle. In the past (pre-TV show, but post kids) she actually did leave the family for TWO YEARS, but eventually came back. Not sure why. Free Janelle!

Christine - Christine is the third wife. She also married Kody when she was pretty young, but again, she knew for a long time what she wanted. Even more specific, she always knew she wanted to be a third wife, because the first and second wife tend to argue (guess she was right on that one). She has six kids, too. I think Christine is the most cheerful of the bunch, but she's also really emotional and sometimes starts a whole big ordeal because someone hurt her feelings (usually I don't blame her, sometimes it just gets out of hand, though). Kody tends to brush off her feelings when she tries to confront him about it. It also feels like he doesn't care for her very much, similar to Janelle. She also knows a lot about sharks.

And she's scared of toasters.

Robyn - Robyn is Kody's newest wife. In the first season he wasn't married to her yet, but they get married around the end of the season one I think...or early in season two? Something like that. She's the youngest, thinnest and often called the prettiest (though I don't think so) of the wives, and it's very obvious that she's the new favorite. Prior to Kody she'd been married before and already had three kids. Kody struggled with this, and wasn't sure if he should marry someone that wasn't "pure." Because when you're wife hunting in your 40's you should definitely expect your new beau to be a virgin. They spent almost a whole episode talking about this, and Kody talked about it like he was doing her a favor by marrying her anyway. SO AWKWARD. Robyn's my second least favorite of the bunch, but even I can agree that that's a crappy thing to say/think. Robyn seems to enjoy being the "cool new wife" and is often seen smiling in the background when the other wives are having a hard time in their relationship with Kody. SKETCHY.

The kids - I feel bad about disliking specific kids, so I'm putting them all in one category. For the most part they're all pretty ok, though. Meri's daughter kinda takes after her, which is really annoying. Robyn's kids from her previous marriage we don't see much. I'm wondering if it's because they're with their actual dad part of the time, but if that's true it's never been mentioned and we've never seen their dad. I find Janelle's oldest daughter (Madison) particularly interesting, because she's the only one that has said from the very first episode that she would never be in a polygamist marriage of her own. Most of the kids aren't really sure if they want to be polygamists when they get married. Except Meri's daughter, who wants like five sister wives someday.

So. Many. Kids.

So now you have a little run down of my favorite show I love to hate. Annnd now that I've written this whole thing out I'm not even sure if I should post it, simply because I shouldn't know all this CRAP! The only part I had to fact-check it the exact number of kids Janelle and Christine have. Awkward.

So make me feel better. What's your favorite hate watch?

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